Post by joe on Sept 18, 2005 17:05:32 GMT -5
The scene opens, inside the NDP Offices, as a small entourage of photographers, cameramen, and the such push into the front office, before a man in a giant blue robe and big floppy straw hat (who bears a peculiar resemblence to PW-WILD's Twinky McLanahan, but is totally different - why, he has a big floppy straw hat!) enters, looking over the crowd of reporters as they shout questions and the like to try and get his attention - he moves to a podium, and checks the microphone...
[Blue Robed Floppy Hat Wearing Guy Who Looks Like Twinky McLanahan But Really Is Not As He's Wearing A Blue Robe and a Floppy Hat:] HELLO! For those of you unfamiliar with me, my work with McLanahan Pro Wrestling, or my years of military service, I... am Generallissimo McBlackMage.
The cameras flash endlessly, as he smiles, waving over the audience, tipping his hat back slightly and nodding his approval.
[Generallissimo McBlackMage:] I, The Esteemed, Worthy and Benevolent Generallissimo McBlackMage have been placed in control of New Damage Pro Wrestling as the owner of NDP, a man of benevolence seventh to mine own, motosada, tours Mississippi to survey the damage left in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.
And also, to find cheap whores and raid the area's supply of cocaine.
He nods, smiling as the cameras flash.
[Generallissimo McBlackMage:] I have been placed in control, here, in NDP, as apparantly there are some issues regarding Jo Ryder's inability to lead NDP that was brought to his attention by people such as Colleen Dramesi, or her babbling British fool of a manager. I've never cared for the British, myself, that "stiff upper lip" all seemed like complete horsecrap, why, one time behind the enemy lines of Czechloslovakia, I was low on ammunition in my rifle, and he had plenty, but wouldn't you know it, he simply could not figure out he had to remove the safety catch on the rifle prior to attempting to fire it.
Oh, hohohoho! What a grand old time that was...
[NCB Reporter:] Mr. McBlackMage, Mr. McBlackMage!
[Generallissimo McBlackMage:] I am a Generallissimo, it is my proper military title. Would you address the plastic surgeon who has given your wife a face worth looking at when you engage in relations with her as "Mr. Miracle Worker?" NAY! You would call him a DOCTOR! Now, address me properly and we may continue this.
[NCB Reporter:] Generallissimo McBlackMage, sir!
[G. McBlackMage:] Yes? You, with the funny hair.
[NCB Reporter:] ...my hair's not funny... OH, UH! I don't believe we were ever at WAR with Czechloslovakia.
The Generallissimo gestures to a large man in a business suit, and directs him to the NCB Reporter - the large man (looking like a secret service agent) leads the reporter away, taking his roll of film and exposing it all to the sunlight as he goes...
[G. McBlackMage:] Questioning my military background is NOT the point of this interview segment! I, the Beloved Generallissimo McBlackMage am leading the McBlackMage Office in an excursion to lead NDP forward. It is trusted that I shant change nary a thing in NDP, but the man who trusted me with that was an absolute buffoon who did not look at my military record.
In New Damage Pro Wrestling, NDP Champion Matt Shane has defeated invincible enemies to capture and retain his championship belt, defeating Flip Staley at SuperKickFest 2004, and scoring a decisive victory over Phil Buster, showing how truly dangerous a maneuver his crudely named "Punk Buster" is. Now, if there is anything I can respect, it's a man who goes out of his way to name moves funny, such as the "Punk Buster" - or, McBlackMage Office contracted wrestler Twinky McLanahan's "Truck Driver Driver" - settle children, McLanahan is banned in NDP still, as per request of motosada.
Matt Shane, however, will face a new challenge at the next NDP Supercard, as he defends against not just one, but THREE different opponents, in a strangely organized match up that - as I understand it - begins with Matt Shane and another opponent in the ring, and if, sorry, WHEN NDP Champion Matt Shane defeats that opponent, that opponent will leave the ring to be replaced by a third. Should Matt Shane defeat that opponent - as I feel he will, for I am wholly biased - then he will win. If by some miracle of chance Matt Shane is defeated, then a fourth wrestler will replace him in the match. This shall continue onwards until someone has scored two pinfalls in a row.
In fact, this brings forth an ideal that I have long held true, and is in fact, a passage from that noted book the "Hagakure," by Yamamoto Tsunetomo:
The Generallissimo McBlackMage pulls out a worn, beaten hard-cover copy of the Hagakure, and opens it to a marked page.
[G. McBlackMage:] "Although the Mean is the standard for all things, in military affairs a man must always strive to outstrip others. According to archery instructions, the right and left hands are supposed to be level, but the right hand has a tendency to go higher. They will become level if one will lower his right hand a bit when shooting. In the stories of the elder warriors, it is said that on the battlrfield if one wills himself to outstrip others of accomplishment, and hopes night and day to strike down a powerful enemy, he will grow indefatigable and fierce of heart and will manifest courage. One should use this principle in everyday affairs too."
He closes the book suddenly and looks out over the audience.
[CSB Reporter:] Uh... that's nice and all, but what does it mean?
[G. McBlackMage:] Do your simple minds not comprehend that this applies to EVERY SINGLE NDP WRESTLER? Would you like a specific example? Mr. E has manifested a spirit of courage his entire time in NDP, and looks to strike down a powerful enemy in Flip Staley. Mr. Staley has lost sight of his desire to strike down a powerful enemy, while Mr. E has not.
The men and women in the NDP Championship Tournament all aim to face the powerful enemy, Matt Shane. Matt Shane desires to face powerful enemies to validate himself as the NDP Champion, an INVINCIBLE champion! Matt Shane is only the SECOND champion in this title's history, and looks to honor the belt with his force and fierce heart.
I feel that Trent Kasta or Victor Harris could define themselves well in this tournament, in matches such as Trent's valiant war with Gene Starr at a recent Maelstrom. I feel that Galcian may impress as he is a man that is truly a dark horse in this tournament. I would love to have a... private... session or seventeen with Colleen, so we may... go over her body of work with excruciating detail. I would want to PLUNGE DEEP INTO HER history as a wrestler... to express the importance and majesty of this tournament, so that she will take it all in - to ensure the best happening of that, I would give it to her repeatedly, sometimes many times within the course of several hours, in all sorts of positions. Why, she may be in the position of working out in the gym, the sweat running freely down her long blonde tresses, as she bounces forward in a too-tight sports bra, as she gasps, moaning for breath in the exquisite pleasure as she arches her back, pushing forward with her full, voluptuous, supple breasts with hardened nip-
[Entire Reporting Audience:] o_O?!?!
[G. McBlackMage:] ...THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!
The Generallissimo leaves, holding a folder in front of his robes as he goes, while the scene fades to black.
[Blue Robed Floppy Hat Wearing Guy Who Looks Like Twinky McLanahan But Really Is Not As He's Wearing A Blue Robe and a Floppy Hat:] HELLO! For those of you unfamiliar with me, my work with McLanahan Pro Wrestling, or my years of military service, I... am Generallissimo McBlackMage.
The cameras flash endlessly, as he smiles, waving over the audience, tipping his hat back slightly and nodding his approval.
[Generallissimo McBlackMage:] I, The Esteemed, Worthy and Benevolent Generallissimo McBlackMage have been placed in control of New Damage Pro Wrestling as the owner of NDP, a man of benevolence seventh to mine own, motosada, tours Mississippi to survey the damage left in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.
And also, to find cheap whores and raid the area's supply of cocaine.
He nods, smiling as the cameras flash.
[Generallissimo McBlackMage:] I have been placed in control, here, in NDP, as apparantly there are some issues regarding Jo Ryder's inability to lead NDP that was brought to his attention by people such as Colleen Dramesi, or her babbling British fool of a manager. I've never cared for the British, myself, that "stiff upper lip" all seemed like complete horsecrap, why, one time behind the enemy lines of Czechloslovakia, I was low on ammunition in my rifle, and he had plenty, but wouldn't you know it, he simply could not figure out he had to remove the safety catch on the rifle prior to attempting to fire it.
Oh, hohohoho! What a grand old time that was...
[NCB Reporter:] Mr. McBlackMage, Mr. McBlackMage!
[Generallissimo McBlackMage:] I am a Generallissimo, it is my proper military title. Would you address the plastic surgeon who has given your wife a face worth looking at when you engage in relations with her as "Mr. Miracle Worker?" NAY! You would call him a DOCTOR! Now, address me properly and we may continue this.
[NCB Reporter:] Generallissimo McBlackMage, sir!
[G. McBlackMage:] Yes? You, with the funny hair.
[NCB Reporter:] ...my hair's not funny... OH, UH! I don't believe we were ever at WAR with Czechloslovakia.
The Generallissimo gestures to a large man in a business suit, and directs him to the NCB Reporter - the large man (looking like a secret service agent) leads the reporter away, taking his roll of film and exposing it all to the sunlight as he goes...
[G. McBlackMage:] Questioning my military background is NOT the point of this interview segment! I, the Beloved Generallissimo McBlackMage am leading the McBlackMage Office in an excursion to lead NDP forward. It is trusted that I shant change nary a thing in NDP, but the man who trusted me with that was an absolute buffoon who did not look at my military record.
In New Damage Pro Wrestling, NDP Champion Matt Shane has defeated invincible enemies to capture and retain his championship belt, defeating Flip Staley at SuperKickFest 2004, and scoring a decisive victory over Phil Buster, showing how truly dangerous a maneuver his crudely named "Punk Buster" is. Now, if there is anything I can respect, it's a man who goes out of his way to name moves funny, such as the "Punk Buster" - or, McBlackMage Office contracted wrestler Twinky McLanahan's "Truck Driver Driver" - settle children, McLanahan is banned in NDP still, as per request of motosada.
Matt Shane, however, will face a new challenge at the next NDP Supercard, as he defends against not just one, but THREE different opponents, in a strangely organized match up that - as I understand it - begins with Matt Shane and another opponent in the ring, and if, sorry, WHEN NDP Champion Matt Shane defeats that opponent, that opponent will leave the ring to be replaced by a third. Should Matt Shane defeat that opponent - as I feel he will, for I am wholly biased - then he will win. If by some miracle of chance Matt Shane is defeated, then a fourth wrestler will replace him in the match. This shall continue onwards until someone has scored two pinfalls in a row.
In fact, this brings forth an ideal that I have long held true, and is in fact, a passage from that noted book the "Hagakure," by Yamamoto Tsunetomo:
The Generallissimo McBlackMage pulls out a worn, beaten hard-cover copy of the Hagakure, and opens it to a marked page.
[G. McBlackMage:] "Although the Mean is the standard for all things, in military affairs a man must always strive to outstrip others. According to archery instructions, the right and left hands are supposed to be level, but the right hand has a tendency to go higher. They will become level if one will lower his right hand a bit when shooting. In the stories of the elder warriors, it is said that on the battlrfield if one wills himself to outstrip others of accomplishment, and hopes night and day to strike down a powerful enemy, he will grow indefatigable and fierce of heart and will manifest courage. One should use this principle in everyday affairs too."
He closes the book suddenly and looks out over the audience.
[CSB Reporter:] Uh... that's nice and all, but what does it mean?
[G. McBlackMage:] Do your simple minds not comprehend that this applies to EVERY SINGLE NDP WRESTLER? Would you like a specific example? Mr. E has manifested a spirit of courage his entire time in NDP, and looks to strike down a powerful enemy in Flip Staley. Mr. Staley has lost sight of his desire to strike down a powerful enemy, while Mr. E has not.
The men and women in the NDP Championship Tournament all aim to face the powerful enemy, Matt Shane. Matt Shane desires to face powerful enemies to validate himself as the NDP Champion, an INVINCIBLE champion! Matt Shane is only the SECOND champion in this title's history, and looks to honor the belt with his force and fierce heart.
I feel that Trent Kasta or Victor Harris could define themselves well in this tournament, in matches such as Trent's valiant war with Gene Starr at a recent Maelstrom. I feel that Galcian may impress as he is a man that is truly a dark horse in this tournament. I would love to have a... private... session or seventeen with Colleen, so we may... go over her body of work with excruciating detail. I would want to PLUNGE DEEP INTO HER history as a wrestler... to express the importance and majesty of this tournament, so that she will take it all in - to ensure the best happening of that, I would give it to her repeatedly, sometimes many times within the course of several hours, in all sorts of positions. Why, she may be in the position of working out in the gym, the sweat running freely down her long blonde tresses, as she bounces forward in a too-tight sports bra, as she gasps, moaning for breath in the exquisite pleasure as she arches her back, pushing forward with her full, voluptuous, supple breasts with hardened nip-
[Entire Reporting Audience:] o_O?!?!
[G. McBlackMage:] ...THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!
The Generallissimo leaves, holding a folder in front of his robes as he goes, while the scene fades to black.