Post by orochigeese on Jan 10, 2007 7:04:43 GMT -5
*A man, a man running. Not an unusual sight in NYC. A man running with a newspaper under his arm.
What is he running FROM? Insanity. The insanity of his future.
What is he running TO? Salvation. Potential calm.
*Last night, Tuesday, a package came. It was not an ordinary package, however. It was sent from Transylvania and contained the "Transylvanian Times." This was a newspaper that I had picked up when I was there last year during the the first time I met our favorite NDP vampire, Jakob Furis.
*I picked it up first out of curiosity. Held onto it as a souvenir. But over the coming months, I realized that Furis wasn't going anywhere and I would have to take some drastic measures to get rid of him. One of those measures was attempting to do some research on him and his town, which entailed actually SUBSCRIBING to the "Transylvania Times." It was a longshot and I didn't really know WHAT I was looking for, just that I might find some surprising information to help my and NDP's cause.*
*Yesterday, that very information came. I immediately booked a "red eye" flight to NYC. Why bother waiting til tomorrow, I said? I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway with this new plan. I got to NYC early Wednesday morning, around 6am. Took a taxi straight to Furis' apartment in midtown. Must have tipped the driver like an extra $20 by accident, but I didn't care...THIS was the day. This was the day we got rid of Furis for GOOD. But the plan would have to wait another 20 minutes. Furis was not in his apartment. After banging on his door for 10 minutes straight, at 6:30 AM mind you, his surly neighbor informed me that Furis has been going to the gym EXTRA early this week. I thank the neighbor, explain WHY I was causing a ruckus and am greeted with a thumbs up and a "Good luck buddy."*
*I run to the gym...it's even raining now but I don't care. No time to open an umbrella when those precious seconds could be used to do the work of angels. No offence, Evan Divine, but if I pull this off, I'll be the one given holy status in NDP for getting rid of this scourge.*
*I enter the gym. The guy at the front desk recognizes me and points to where Furis is "training" in the dusty ring. I feel my heart beating as I walk over to him...trying my best to conceal a grin and "show my hand" too early. Furis sees me, looks surprised...and then gets knocked on his ass by his opponent for not paying attention. I again struggle to conceal my smile. The opponent has no such reservations though.*
Jakob Furis: "YOU!? Vhat are YOU doing here so early? Come to check on my progress!?"
*No, Jakey, I already had TOTAL confidence in your skills after last time...but something has come up and I needed to talk to you. I have news from your homeland."
*Furis raises his brow (no, I didn't put Rock footage on that DVD I gave him) and immediately slides out the ring...ok, he BOTCHED the slide...but he managed to fall onto the floor out of the ring...good enough. He dusts himself off and walks over. I pull out the newspaper and show it to him*
*Check out the REAL ESTATE section, Jakey*
*Furis furiously...(LOL, sorry) flips the pages and gets a look of SHOCK on his face once he gets to the correct section. The headline of the page (click link below) and main story reads:*
Blood-spattered Bran Castle is Transylvania's hottest property,
Furis: "They...they are selling THE Bran Castle!? THIS IS AMAZING!"
*I know, right! But here you are, in NYC....thousands of miles away...*
Furis: "I...must go to Transylvania and buy it! I can not let someone else buy the castle that is vightfully mine! Once, Dracula was the most feared vampire. But now I am!"
*Oh, I know Jakey...how I ever do know. You put the fear in everyone's eyes.*
Furis: "Human, I have a deal for you. If you vill tell NDP that I am going back to Transylvania...
*My heart starts pumping faster and my smile begins to seep out...*
Furis: "Then I vill spare your life. Once I go back and buy Bran, I vill have to make it my new home and vatch over it. And I vill bring back my victims to it. Please tell NDP I am goi..."
*YES...F'n YES!! This is the happiest day of my f'n life and in the lives of NDP fans everywhere..except maybe those in Transylvania. Uh, sorry guys....*[/color]
Furis: "going back to Transylvania for goo..."
*Suddenly, something unexpected happens. One of Furis' training partners come over, and interrupts us.*
Training partner: "Hey Jakey boy, did you watch Raw on Monday night?"
*Sorry sir but I'm trying to talk to Furis over here...*
Furis: "Vhat is Vaw?"
Training partner: "RAW IS WAR, MAN!"
*A thought comes over me, a disheartening one. But who STAYS optimistic once Raw is discussed?*
Furis: "Vhat happened on this Vaw you speak of?"
Training Partner: "Oh man, it was AWESOME! You would have loved it! Your FAVORITE wrestlers were on the show! Randy Orton, Chris Masters..."
*Furis' eyes begin to light up, my shirt starts to fill with sweat*
Training partner: "And your ABSOLUTE favorite wrestler made his debut...the Great Khali!"
*Furis' eyes begin to tear with enthusiasm, his face contorts in almost orgasmic glee.*
Training partner: "If you want to see it, I taped it...you can watch it here."
*Furis looks like a kid on christmas morning or in a candy store or in a candy store on christmas morning. I, on the other hand, look like the vampire around here as my face has turned totally white.*
*The training partner puts the Raw tape in the old beat-up VCR in the corner and Furis sits down...on the floor cross-legged...to watch. I try to continue my conversation with him but he isn't listening. I even shove the newspaper in front of his face but he pushes it out of his view. I have no choice but to sit here and wait until Raw is over. I KNEW I'd have to make sacrifices today, but watching Raw is starting to cut things pretty close to my breaking point. Furis' reactions are my only entertainment.*[/color]
*Furis totally loses it while watching Khali debut. I proceed to lose a different "it"...my lunch*
*Furis seems to also be enjoying the "Rosie/Trump" skit. There's your demographic, Vince...
Furis: "Haha, this is VERY funny!! He has funny hair and she is fat! They yell and fight! This is great show!"
*...*
*Furis is completely batty (...sorry) by the time Chris Masters has graced us with his presence. And he also attempts to mouth along with Orton's promo. Furis even manages to add:
Furis: "Start what you finished Vandy...
*Silva?*
Furis: "DESTROY DX! Destroy Shawn Michaels...he is not as good as you, Orton!"
*Where IS Vanderlei when you need him...*
*It's now time for the main event and well...Furis had to leave during the commercial break to change his pants. This is NOT gonna be good. Luckily, the match is short....but the pain has just begun. After the match is over, Furis continues staring at the screen but begins talking to me.*
Furis: "Vhere is that newspaper? I vant to see it again."
*I become jubilant again and hand him the newspaper, being sure to point to the Bran castle article..*
Furis: "I no longer need this."
*OH NO! OH F'N NO!! FURIS TORE UP THE NEWSPAPER!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (breathes)OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*
Furis: "Today...like Vandy Orton's career...vas DESTINY. That Vaw was DESTINY. I have just vatched, all together, ALL the best that vrestling has to offer and it has INSPIRED me to BE the best in NDP."
*I'm visibly f'n crying now*
Furis: "I now have all the mental tools to battle Evan Divine. For today, I have vitnessed MY Holy Trinity: Chris Masters, Vandy Orton, and THE GREAT KHALI! Using their holy power and moves, Evan Divine has NO chance to beat me at TRIBULATION!! I vill veign supreme there and in NDP forever!!"
*For..ever? Furis gets up and rolls back into the ring where he begins training harder then ever. I...I can barely stand. I feel sick. It's all...it's all over. Our golden opportunity has been pissed away...ugh, I can't even laugh at a joke like that now. I can't believe this. From Furis almost leaving to Furis being more motivated then ever...within less then 2 hours. All thanks to that putrid turd of a show: Raw.*
Furis: "I vill see you at Tribulation...and by the vay, our deal is off! Since I am not going back to Transylvania, I vill still kill you one day!"
*Sure, Jakey...but you're too late. I'm already dead inside.*
*I walk out and head to the nearest bar...
(sigh) Sorry everyone, I failed you.*
What is he running FROM? Insanity. The insanity of his future.
What is he running TO? Salvation. Potential calm.
*Last night, Tuesday, a package came. It was not an ordinary package, however. It was sent from Transylvania and contained the "Transylvanian Times." This was a newspaper that I had picked up when I was there last year during the the first time I met our favorite NDP vampire, Jakob Furis.
*I picked it up first out of curiosity. Held onto it as a souvenir. But over the coming months, I realized that Furis wasn't going anywhere and I would have to take some drastic measures to get rid of him. One of those measures was attempting to do some research on him and his town, which entailed actually SUBSCRIBING to the "Transylvania Times." It was a longshot and I didn't really know WHAT I was looking for, just that I might find some surprising information to help my and NDP's cause.*
*Yesterday, that very information came. I immediately booked a "red eye" flight to NYC. Why bother waiting til tomorrow, I said? I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway with this new plan. I got to NYC early Wednesday morning, around 6am. Took a taxi straight to Furis' apartment in midtown. Must have tipped the driver like an extra $20 by accident, but I didn't care...THIS was the day. This was the day we got rid of Furis for GOOD. But the plan would have to wait another 20 minutes. Furis was not in his apartment. After banging on his door for 10 minutes straight, at 6:30 AM mind you, his surly neighbor informed me that Furis has been going to the gym EXTRA early this week. I thank the neighbor, explain WHY I was causing a ruckus and am greeted with a thumbs up and a "Good luck buddy."*
*I run to the gym...it's even raining now but I don't care. No time to open an umbrella when those precious seconds could be used to do the work of angels. No offence, Evan Divine, but if I pull this off, I'll be the one given holy status in NDP for getting rid of this scourge.*
*I enter the gym. The guy at the front desk recognizes me and points to where Furis is "training" in the dusty ring. I feel my heart beating as I walk over to him...trying my best to conceal a grin and "show my hand" too early. Furis sees me, looks surprised...and then gets knocked on his ass by his opponent for not paying attention. I again struggle to conceal my smile. The opponent has no such reservations though.*
Jakob Furis: "YOU!? Vhat are YOU doing here so early? Come to check on my progress!?"
*No, Jakey, I already had TOTAL confidence in your skills after last time...but something has come up and I needed to talk to you. I have news from your homeland."
*Furis raises his brow (no, I didn't put Rock footage on that DVD I gave him) and immediately slides out the ring...ok, he BOTCHED the slide...but he managed to fall onto the floor out of the ring...good enough. He dusts himself off and walks over. I pull out the newspaper and show it to him*
*Check out the REAL ESTATE section, Jakey*
*Furis furiously...(LOL, sorry) flips the pages and gets a look of SHOCK on his face once he gets to the correct section. The headline of the page (click link below) and main story reads:*
Blood-spattered Bran Castle is Transylvania's hottest property,
Furis: "They...they are selling THE Bran Castle!? THIS IS AMAZING!"
*I know, right! But here you are, in NYC....thousands of miles away...*
Furis: "I...must go to Transylvania and buy it! I can not let someone else buy the castle that is vightfully mine! Once, Dracula was the most feared vampire. But now I am!"
*Oh, I know Jakey...how I ever do know. You put the fear in everyone's eyes.*
Furis: "Human, I have a deal for you. If you vill tell NDP that I am going back to Transylvania...
*My heart starts pumping faster and my smile begins to seep out...*
Furis: "Then I vill spare your life. Once I go back and buy Bran, I vill have to make it my new home and vatch over it. And I vill bring back my victims to it. Please tell NDP I am goi..."
*YES...F'n YES!! This is the happiest day of my f'n life and in the lives of NDP fans everywhere..except maybe those in Transylvania. Uh, sorry guys....*[/color]
Furis: "going back to Transylvania for goo..."
*Suddenly, something unexpected happens. One of Furis' training partners come over, and interrupts us.*
Training partner: "Hey Jakey boy, did you watch Raw on Monday night?"
*Sorry sir but I'm trying to talk to Furis over here...*
Furis: "Vhat is Vaw?"
Training partner: "RAW IS WAR, MAN!"
*A thought comes over me, a disheartening one. But who STAYS optimistic once Raw is discussed?*
Furis: "Vhat happened on this Vaw you speak of?"
Training Partner: "Oh man, it was AWESOME! You would have loved it! Your FAVORITE wrestlers were on the show! Randy Orton, Chris Masters..."
*Furis' eyes begin to light up, my shirt starts to fill with sweat*
Training partner: "And your ABSOLUTE favorite wrestler made his debut...the Great Khali!"
*Furis' eyes begin to tear with enthusiasm, his face contorts in almost orgasmic glee.*
Training partner: "If you want to see it, I taped it...you can watch it here."
*Furis looks like a kid on christmas morning or in a candy store or in a candy store on christmas morning. I, on the other hand, look like the vampire around here as my face has turned totally white.*
*The training partner puts the Raw tape in the old beat-up VCR in the corner and Furis sits down...on the floor cross-legged...to watch. I try to continue my conversation with him but he isn't listening. I even shove the newspaper in front of his face but he pushes it out of his view. I have no choice but to sit here and wait until Raw is over. I KNEW I'd have to make sacrifices today, but watching Raw is starting to cut things pretty close to my breaking point. Furis' reactions are my only entertainment.*[/color]
*Furis totally loses it while watching Khali debut. I proceed to lose a different "it"...my lunch*
*Furis seems to also be enjoying the "Rosie/Trump" skit. There's your demographic, Vince...
Furis: "Haha, this is VERY funny!! He has funny hair and she is fat! They yell and fight! This is great show!"
*...*
*Furis is completely batty (...sorry) by the time Chris Masters has graced us with his presence. And he also attempts to mouth along with Orton's promo. Furis even manages to add:
Furis: "Start what you finished Vandy...
*Silva?*
Furis: "DESTROY DX! Destroy Shawn Michaels...he is not as good as you, Orton!"
*Where IS Vanderlei when you need him...*
*It's now time for the main event and well...Furis had to leave during the commercial break to change his pants. This is NOT gonna be good. Luckily, the match is short....but the pain has just begun. After the match is over, Furis continues staring at the screen but begins talking to me.*
Furis: "Vhere is that newspaper? I vant to see it again."
*I become jubilant again and hand him the newspaper, being sure to point to the Bran castle article..*
Furis: "I no longer need this."
*OH NO! OH F'N NO!! FURIS TORE UP THE NEWSPAPER!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (breathes)OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*
Furis: "Today...like Vandy Orton's career...vas DESTINY. That Vaw was DESTINY. I have just vatched, all together, ALL the best that vrestling has to offer and it has INSPIRED me to BE the best in NDP."
*I'm visibly f'n crying now*
Furis: "I now have all the mental tools to battle Evan Divine. For today, I have vitnessed MY Holy Trinity: Chris Masters, Vandy Orton, and THE GREAT KHALI! Using their holy power and moves, Evan Divine has NO chance to beat me at TRIBULATION!! I vill veign supreme there and in NDP forever!!"
*For..ever? Furis gets up and rolls back into the ring where he begins training harder then ever. I...I can barely stand. I feel sick. It's all...it's all over. Our golden opportunity has been pissed away...ugh, I can't even laugh at a joke like that now. I can't believe this. From Furis almost leaving to Furis being more motivated then ever...within less then 2 hours. All thanks to that putrid turd of a show: Raw.*
Furis: "I vill see you at Tribulation...and by the vay, our deal is off! Since I am not going back to Transylvania, I vill still kill you one day!"
*Sure, Jakey...but you're too late. I'm already dead inside.*
*I walk out and head to the nearest bar...
(sigh) Sorry everyone, I failed you.*