Post by orochigeese on Sept 6, 2006 0:10:52 GMT -5
*It's late Tuesday afternoon around 5pm in NYC. I am in front of a familiar and undesirable building.*
*Ahh, shit...i can't believe this. It looks like we might have FINALLY gotten rid of Furis at that ridicuLAWLous LAWL show, but NDP won't believe me! People... Furis has GOT to be gone from wrestling for GOOD after that Goosebanging!! But noooo...NDP just HAD to send me back here to try to find him in his"bat cave" (decides to avoid lawsuit) "apartment" to check on him and bring him some news. I really really hope to see an empty apartment and to hear that he has hightailed it back to Transylvania.*
*I enter the apartment building and go to the third floor. I walk down the hallway to room 306*
*WTF? Jakob has "decorated" his door with various charms and symbols. A few of them feature the picture of a Goose with a red "X" going through it. I guess this is further proof that Jakob was a bit more then spooked from his recent interactions with the Goose. And that's not even taking into account the fact he probably hasn't been able to sit down comfortably for the last 2 weeks.*
*I knock on the door...but no one answers. I knock again and hear some faint footsteps and muffled breathing. I knock one more time and announce who I am. A soft voice comes from behind the door.*
Voice: "Who is it? I am not taking visitors!"
*Jakey, boy...is that you? You sound kinda...weak?*
Voice: "I am NOT VEAK! I AM A MIGHTY VAMPIRE!"
*Ahh, so it IS you Jakob. You're still here in NY!? In the US!? You haven't flown back to Transylvania!?"
Jakob: "VAMPIRES DO NOT RUN! I AM NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING!"
*Ahh, right, right. So I guess you were just "practicing" for the 40 meter dash championship after your "match" at the LAWL show last month...*
*The door suddenly opens and we see Jakob in front of us. He's wearing a stained wife-beater shirt with various pizza stains (yeah, i'm sure he'll say the tomato sauce is really blood) and looks like a mess.*
Jakob: "Get in, QUICKLY!"
*Jakob grabs me by the arm and practically irish-whips me into his apartment. With no ropes to rebound off of, I elect to stop running once I'm inside. He immediately shuts the door and locks about 6 locks.*
Jakob: "Now, LISTEN! I know vhat you are thinking! But I am.."
*What the HELL happened to you? You haven't left your apartment for weeks, have you? Geez, Jakey...you need some sun...oh wait...*
Jakob: "I AM A VAMPIRE! I DO NOT LIKE THE SUN!"
*Yeah, yeah, it was a joke. Ever hear of a JOKE? It's something well adjusted people say to other well adjusted people for fun. But seeing as you don't fall under that category...*
Jakob: "I care nothing for your human fun. And yes, I HAVE been in my apartment for the last two weeks, that is true. But you fail to understand the reason VHY!"
*No...I don't FAIL to understand it. Hell, I can't even BLAME you for your recent behavior! If I was brutally gangbanged, in front of a live and worldwide DVD audience, by four sick Goose monsters, I'd be hiding and gauzing myself up pretty damn good! I just think it's funny that a "mighty vampire" can't admit the truth.*
Jakob: "The truth!? You vant to know the truth!"
*Oh dear god, please don't....*
Jakob: "YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!"
*I thought you were better then that, i really did..*
Jakob: "I don't care about your opinion of me! And I also don't CARE vhat you can handle, weak mortal! For I am here to spread my horrors to the world and NDP through you!*
*Speaking of NDP...and since you are still here, I DO have some news...*
*Jakob interrupts me, seemingly ignoring what I had to say, and motions around the room*
Jakob: "LOOK!! LOOK AROUND! WHAT DO YOU SEE!?"
*Weird charms and symbols and shit. Some old turnips as well. And a WHOLE lot of empty pizza boxes and chinese takeout containers. You gotta mix up your diet, Jakob. Your colon can't be a happy camper.*
Jakob: "WHAT YOU SEE IS PART OF MY EVIL PLAN FOR REVENGE!"
*On your colon? What did it ever do to you?*
Jakob: "NO!! MY REVENGE ON THE GOOSES!"
*Ohhhhhh...the old "incarceration defense!" Next time they try to "sneak in back", you are gonna hit them with a blast of intestinal outrage! That's some wily thinking there, Jakob...since I don't think the Gooses are into scat, but then again...who knows?*
Jakob: "NO!! STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT!!"
*So you have ANOTHER plan not involving horrific projectile diarh...*
Jakob: "DID YOU NOT SEE WHAT HAPPENED DURING MY BATTLE WITH THE GOOSES?"
*Calm it down a bit, eh? Unless you want me to start calling you and the Gooses the "FURIS! Army"*
Jakob: "LISTEN! During my battle with the Gooses, I was able to BITE one of them on the neck! THAT was my victory!"
*Victory, really? Cause I was pretty sure that you tapped out to the "Beak of Rear Entry"...*
Jakob: "I did not tap! It was not even a veal match! But I did achieve victory by biting that Goose! And for the last two weeks, I have been bewitching him with my evil vampire magic!"
*Jakob holds his hand in the air and chants some incomprensible language*
*...i really have some important NDP news for you and...*
Jakob: "Silence!! I have a message for LAWL, the Gooses and their woman handler!"
*You mean Holly? The woman who will be taking part in NDP's Tribulation show against Kaori NiGHT? That Tribulation show is gonna be pretty important for NDP and maybe even for...*
Jakob: "MY message is that I will be coming to the next LAWL show and will complete my possession of that Goose! He will be the first member of my vampire army and NO ONE will be able to stop me!"
*Listen, that's really great, but to be honest, I don't give a damn about LAWL or the Gooses or potatoes, etc. I'm here on BEHALF OF NDP to deliver some important NDP news to you!*
Jakob: "Vhat is it! TELL ME ALREADY!"
*NDP saw your "battle" at the LAWL show, and they liked what you were able to do in the ring against those 4 creatures. You actually held your own for a while in a 4 on 1 situation. And because of that and your incessant requests for an NDP match over the last few months...*
Jakob: "AHH YES! I know where you are going vith this! You have come to tell me that NDP has offered its vrestlers for my vampire army! NDP has seen the greatness of my dark plans!"
*No...not quite...not even close. But, you are getting an offer of sorts. NDP has graciously offered to you the opportunity to have your NDP debut match at the Tribulation PPV.*
Jakob: "A MATCH!! FINALLY!? I vill take it! I vill make my victorious debut in an NDP ring at Tribulation!!"
*Ok...well, that's all I had to say here...gotta go now...cause well, i'm not gonna dance around this, you still smell like hot Goose love and I really want to get some air. Hell, even that smelly NYC air is better then the unholy petrie dish aroma of Goose, old pizza, and old chinese food.*
Jakob: "Go avay! I am done saying vhat I have to say ANYWAY! NDP, bevare of my might and vrath! Tribulation will be just the START of your...
*I leave the apartment and close the door as Jakob is still muttering. Ugh, I can't even convey how bad it smelled in there. The only thing that makes me more nauseas is knowing that Furis is here to stay*
*I sigh and leave the building...and ultimately NYC...at least until the next "Funtime with Furis"*
*Ahh, shit...i can't believe this. It looks like we might have FINALLY gotten rid of Furis at that ridicuLAWLous LAWL show, but NDP won't believe me! People... Furis has GOT to be gone from wrestling for GOOD after that Goosebanging!! But noooo...NDP just HAD to send me back here to try to find him in his
*I enter the apartment building and go to the third floor. I walk down the hallway to room 306*
*WTF? Jakob has "decorated" his door with various charms and symbols. A few of them feature the picture of a Goose with a red "X" going through it. I guess this is further proof that Jakob was a bit more then spooked from his recent interactions with the Goose. And that's not even taking into account the fact he probably hasn't been able to sit down comfortably for the last 2 weeks.*
*I knock on the door...but no one answers. I knock again and hear some faint footsteps and muffled breathing. I knock one more time and announce who I am. A soft voice comes from behind the door.*
Voice: "Who is it? I am not taking visitors!"
*Jakey, boy...is that you? You sound kinda...weak?*
Voice: "I am NOT VEAK! I AM A MIGHTY VAMPIRE!"
*Ahh, so it IS you Jakob. You're still here in NY!? In the US!? You haven't flown back to Transylvania!?"
Jakob: "VAMPIRES DO NOT RUN! I AM NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING!"
*Ahh, right, right. So I guess you were just "practicing" for the 40 meter dash championship after your "match" at the LAWL show last month...*
*The door suddenly opens and we see Jakob in front of us. He's wearing a stained wife-beater shirt with various pizza stains (yeah, i'm sure he'll say the tomato sauce is really blood) and looks like a mess.*
Jakob: "Get in, QUICKLY!"
*Jakob grabs me by the arm and practically irish-whips me into his apartment. With no ropes to rebound off of, I elect to stop running once I'm inside. He immediately shuts the door and locks about 6 locks.*
Jakob: "Now, LISTEN! I know vhat you are thinking! But I am.."
*What the HELL happened to you? You haven't left your apartment for weeks, have you? Geez, Jakey...you need some sun...oh wait...*
Jakob: "I AM A VAMPIRE! I DO NOT LIKE THE SUN!"
*Yeah, yeah, it was a joke. Ever hear of a JOKE? It's something well adjusted people say to other well adjusted people for fun. But seeing as you don't fall under that category...*
Jakob: "I care nothing for your human fun. And yes, I HAVE been in my apartment for the last two weeks, that is true. But you fail to understand the reason VHY!"
*No...I don't FAIL to understand it. Hell, I can't even BLAME you for your recent behavior! If I was brutally gangbanged, in front of a live and worldwide DVD audience, by four sick Goose monsters, I'd be hiding and gauzing myself up pretty damn good! I just think it's funny that a "mighty vampire" can't admit the truth.*
Jakob: "The truth!? You vant to know the truth!"
*Oh dear god, please don't....*
Jakob: "YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!"
*I thought you were better then that, i really did..*
Jakob: "I don't care about your opinion of me! And I also don't CARE vhat you can handle, weak mortal! For I am here to spread my horrors to the world and NDP through you!*
*Speaking of NDP...and since you are still here, I DO have some news...*
*Jakob interrupts me, seemingly ignoring what I had to say, and motions around the room*
Jakob: "LOOK!! LOOK AROUND! WHAT DO YOU SEE!?"
*Weird charms and symbols and shit. Some old turnips as well. And a WHOLE lot of empty pizza boxes and chinese takeout containers. You gotta mix up your diet, Jakob. Your colon can't be a happy camper.*
Jakob: "WHAT YOU SEE IS PART OF MY EVIL PLAN FOR REVENGE!"
*On your colon? What did it ever do to you?*
Jakob: "NO!! MY REVENGE ON THE GOOSES!"
*Ohhhhhh...the old "incarceration defense!" Next time they try to "sneak in back", you are gonna hit them with a blast of intestinal outrage! That's some wily thinking there, Jakob...since I don't think the Gooses are into scat, but then again...who knows?*
Jakob: "NO!! STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT!!"
*So you have ANOTHER plan not involving horrific projectile diarh...*
Jakob: "DID YOU NOT SEE WHAT HAPPENED DURING MY BATTLE WITH THE GOOSES?"
*Calm it down a bit, eh? Unless you want me to start calling you and the Gooses the "FURIS! Army"*
Jakob: "LISTEN! During my battle with the Gooses, I was able to BITE one of them on the neck! THAT was my victory!"
*Victory, really? Cause I was pretty sure that you tapped out to the "Beak of Rear Entry"...*
Jakob: "I did not tap! It was not even a veal match! But I did achieve victory by biting that Goose! And for the last two weeks, I have been bewitching him with my evil vampire magic!"
*Jakob holds his hand in the air and chants some incomprensible language*
*...i really have some important NDP news for you and...*
Jakob: "Silence!! I have a message for LAWL, the Gooses and their woman handler!"
*You mean Holly? The woman who will be taking part in NDP's Tribulation show against Kaori NiGHT? That Tribulation show is gonna be pretty important for NDP and maybe even for...*
Jakob: "MY message is that I will be coming to the next LAWL show and will complete my possession of that Goose! He will be the first member of my vampire army and NO ONE will be able to stop me!"
*Listen, that's really great, but to be honest, I don't give a damn about LAWL or the Gooses or potatoes, etc. I'm here on BEHALF OF NDP to deliver some important NDP news to you!*
Jakob: "Vhat is it! TELL ME ALREADY!"
*NDP saw your "battle" at the LAWL show, and they liked what you were able to do in the ring against those 4 creatures. You actually held your own for a while in a 4 on 1 situation. And because of that and your incessant requests for an NDP match over the last few months...*
Jakob: "AHH YES! I know where you are going vith this! You have come to tell me that NDP has offered its vrestlers for my vampire army! NDP has seen the greatness of my dark plans!"
*No...not quite...not even close. But, you are getting an offer of sorts. NDP has graciously offered to you the opportunity to have your NDP debut match at the Tribulation PPV.*
Jakob: "A MATCH!! FINALLY!? I vill take it! I vill make my victorious debut in an NDP ring at Tribulation!!"
*Ok...well, that's all I had to say here...gotta go now...cause well, i'm not gonna dance around this, you still smell like hot Goose love and I really want to get some air. Hell, even that smelly NYC air is better then the unholy petrie dish aroma of Goose, old pizza, and old chinese food.*
Jakob: "Go avay! I am done saying vhat I have to say ANYWAY! NDP, bevare of my might and vrath! Tribulation will be just the START of your...
*I leave the apartment and close the door as Jakob is still muttering. Ugh, I can't even convey how bad it smelled in there. The only thing that makes me more nauseas is knowing that Furis is here to stay*
*I sigh and leave the building...and ultimately NYC...at least until the next "Funtime with Furis"*