Post by orochigeese on Aug 8, 2006 17:51:20 GMT -5
*It is Tuesday afternoon and we are at NDP Headquarters in Austral um, NDP Land! The door from the outside opens and none other then Holly confidently strides through. She is wearing a business suit and her waist is adorned with her newly won OG-Joshi World Championship belt*
Holly: "Ahh, the rancid, fishy smell of NDP Headquarters, how I missed it!"
*Holly mockingly breathes in deeply and extends her arms. *
Holly: "Surely, now that I am a CHAMPION, NDP will have a worthwhile match for me at the next show. Diva Dynamite and Kaori NiGHT are BOTH below my lofty stature!"
*Holly checks the NDP scheduling bulletin board and gets a look of shock on her face*
Holly: "I'm facing WHO? The "English Icon" Randy Isiac?!"
*Holly bursts into laughter*
Holly: "NDP! Have you NOT been paying attention!? I already BEAT an "English Icon", Haley Cannon, two weeks ago at OG-Joshi: Unleashed to WIN this very Title!! Now you set me up against another Brit? Well, I'll kick his crumpets so hard that he'll never be able to teabag...
*Just then, the doors to the headquarters swing open again as two men walk into the hallway. Holly looks over to them but doesn't recognize them. She goes back to reading the schedule. Meanwhile, the two men are talking amongst themselves. They appear to be...*
Jakob Furis: "Ah-HA! Finally! NDP Headquarters!! My next step on the bloody road of conquest!"
*Listen Jakob, we're in an office here so TRY to control yourself. NDP isn't going to put up with your usual shenanigans.*
Jakob: "They have no choice!! But first, let us see all of the matches they have given me! Let us see all the opponents they will FEED me vith!"
*Man can THAT ever be taken a few ways...*
Jakob: "Shhh! Let us learn of my matches now!"
*I think we have to go to that bulletin board over there by that woman.*
*Jakob and I walk over to the bulletin board next to the blonde woman. Her back is turned so we can not see her face though she looks oddly familiar to me. Jakob does not seem to really notice her and is instead scanning the NDP schedule. When he is finished reading, a look of anger crosses his face and he reads it again. Finally, he takes a step back and grunts in frustration.*
Jakob: "NO MATCHES! NDP has not given me any matches!! I am not on the schedule!"
*Wow, you'd think they'd be able to recognize a talent like YOU...*
Jakob: "This is an OUTRAGE!! I must talk with an NDP official this very instant!"
*Jakob turns to the blonde woman in the business suit*
Jakob: "You!! Hey! You! I must speak vith you!"
*The blonde woman continues scanning the schedule and writing something down on a pad. She ignores Jakob...therefore, she is probably of above average intelligence. Jakob does not tolerate her behavior and taps her on the shoulder sharply. She turns around with an enraged look and I realize that Jakob has made a TERRIBLE mistake. The woman is Holly: NDP wrestler and OG-Joshi World Champion, and a woman with a fuse shorter then Jakob's NYC apartment ceiling.*
Holly: "What the HELL are you doing? Do you have any idea who I am!?"
Jakob: "Do not speak of hell, only I know of hell! I am Jakob Furis, mighty vampire!"
Holly: "You're a WHAT, NOW?"
Jakob: "A MIGHTY VAMPIRE! I VILL SUCK EVERYONE IN NDP!"
*Holly looks Jakob up and down...suddenly her anger and shock starts to melt away into a smile...as if she realizes what a toolbox Jakob really is.*
Holly: "Ohhhh...my apologies, Mr. Fury...
Jakob: "FURIS! FURIS!"
Holly: "Yes, yes, of course. YOU must be filling in for Jo Ryder in NDP!! After she left a few months ago for "Cumlung" surgery, it took NDP a long time to fill the giant void of SUCKING that Jo Ryder provided here! But I'm glad they found a suitable replacement!"
Jakob: "I know not vhat you are talking about!! But I demand to know vhy I am not on the schedule!"
Holly: "Listen Jason.."
Jakob: "JAKOB!"
Holly: "Whatever...listen. I do not work in the office, I'm a wrestler. No...I'm not JUST a wrestler. I'm the freaking OG-Joshi World Champion and the ACE of Joshi wrestling!"
*Holly motions proudly to her Championship Belt*
Jakob: "What's a Joshi?"
Holly: "Don't you worry about that, I'll tell you when you get older."
*I chuckle...hey, it was funny!*
Holly: "But yanno...I think I can help you out Jizzbag...
*That was funnier...*
Jakob: "JAKOB!! MY NAME IS JAKOB FURIS!"
Holly: "Good for you!! Now listen. Even though I don't work here, I can help you. You said you wanted a match in NDP, right?"
Jakob: "I vill not rest until I turn ALL of NDP into my vampire army! I must face them all to do so! Even you!"
Holly: "I'm flattered, really...I guess Jo told you all about how good I am. But let's start small, Jakey. Let's just get you on a show, first, ok?"
Jakob: "Fine!"
Holly: "Could you give me a moment? I have to go...uh, talk to one of the NDP scheduling people."
*Jakob nods and turns to me in excitement. As he looks away, Holly quickly grabs a sheet of paper off the bulletin board and takes it with her into an office. Some scribbling is heard before she emerges from the office with a smile on her face.*
Holly: "I got you a GREAT deal here Jakob. You see...NDP is going to be having a secret, unannounced show in two weeks. It's going to take place in California. Only the newest NDP wrestlers will be there and you can...no, you WILL make your mark there!"
Jakob: "I vill show NDP what I am made of!"
Holly: "YES! So here, take this flyer and follow the directions to the event."
*Holly hands Jakob the flyer she took. Only now, a lot of it is crossed out. In fact...WAIT, this is just the Flyer for the next LAWL show! But Holly crossed out the "LAWL" in every place and wrote "NDP" instead! Jakob can't possibly fall for this..*
Jakob: "Excellent! I vill go there and take over the show!"
*Yep...he fell for it.*
Holly: "Great!! Now, don't let the name of the ARENA fool you. It's called the LAWLatorium but it's really an NDP event *Holly struggles to hide a smirk*
Jakob: "Vill you be there to vitness my HORRORS!?"
Holly: "Oh Jimmy...I wouldn't miss it for the VORLD!! Having you INVADE that show will be the most important moment in the history of wrestling!"
Jakob: "NO! It vill be the most important moment in the HISTORY OF MANKIND! FOR I VILL START TO GATHER MY VAMPIRE ARMY ON THAT SHOW!"
Holly: "Say...can vegetables become vampires too? Like potatoes turning into Spudpires?"
Jakob: "Vhat do you mean?! That is a ridiculous question!"
Holly: "Oh of course! Silly me! *Holly feigns embarrassment* WHATEVER was I thinking!? Well, I have to go now Jokebob Vampirepants...see you at the show!"
*Holly walks quickly away as we hear muffled laughter as she reaches the doorway. Jakob stares excitedly at theLAWL...NDP Flyer. He has no IDEA what he's in for. A LAWL show makes NYC look as calm as a libary
Jakob: "Let us go to California! I vant to be ready for the NDP show!"
*Should I even bother telling him? NAH! This is going to be too entertaining to stop! Besides, if Jakob can't recognize the obvious editing of the flyer, I don't think anything I can say will convince him otherwise. It WOULD be nice to go to California for a week or two. After all, NDP owes me for the NYC debacle...*
Jakob: "NDP!! I VILL FIND YOUR SECRET SHOW AND START MY BLOOD CAMPAIGN!!
*Jakob brings his cape over his face and walks out the door as if he was flying.*
*See ya at the LAWL show in two weeks folks...*
Holly: "Ahh, the rancid, fishy smell of NDP Headquarters, how I missed it!"
*Holly mockingly breathes in deeply and extends her arms. *
Holly: "Surely, now that I am a CHAMPION, NDP will have a worthwhile match for me at the next show. Diva Dynamite and Kaori NiGHT are BOTH below my lofty stature!"
*Holly checks the NDP scheduling bulletin board and gets a look of shock on her face*
Holly: "I'm facing WHO? The "English Icon" Randy Isiac?!"
*Holly bursts into laughter*
Holly: "NDP! Have you NOT been paying attention!? I already BEAT an "English Icon", Haley Cannon, two weeks ago at OG-Joshi: Unleashed to WIN this very Title!! Now you set me up against another Brit? Well, I'll kick his crumpets so hard that he'll never be able to teabag...
*Just then, the doors to the headquarters swing open again as two men walk into the hallway. Holly looks over to them but doesn't recognize them. She goes back to reading the schedule. Meanwhile, the two men are talking amongst themselves. They appear to be...*
Jakob Furis: "Ah-HA! Finally! NDP Headquarters!! My next step on the bloody road of conquest!"
*Listen Jakob, we're in an office here so TRY to control yourself. NDP isn't going to put up with your usual shenanigans.*
Jakob: "They have no choice!! But first, let us see all of the matches they have given me! Let us see all the opponents they will FEED me vith!"
*Man can THAT ever be taken a few ways...*
Jakob: "Shhh! Let us learn of my matches now!"
*I think we have to go to that bulletin board over there by that woman.*
*Jakob and I walk over to the bulletin board next to the blonde woman. Her back is turned so we can not see her face though she looks oddly familiar to me. Jakob does not seem to really notice her and is instead scanning the NDP schedule. When he is finished reading, a look of anger crosses his face and he reads it again. Finally, he takes a step back and grunts in frustration.*
Jakob: "NO MATCHES! NDP has not given me any matches!! I am not on the schedule!"
*Wow, you'd think they'd be able to recognize a talent like YOU...*
Jakob: "This is an OUTRAGE!! I must talk with an NDP official this very instant!"
*Jakob turns to the blonde woman in the business suit*
Jakob: "You!! Hey! You! I must speak vith you!"
*The blonde woman continues scanning the schedule and writing something down on a pad. She ignores Jakob...therefore, she is probably of above average intelligence. Jakob does not tolerate her behavior and taps her on the shoulder sharply. She turns around with an enraged look and I realize that Jakob has made a TERRIBLE mistake. The woman is Holly: NDP wrestler and OG-Joshi World Champion, and a woman with a fuse shorter then Jakob's NYC apartment ceiling.*
Holly: "What the HELL are you doing? Do you have any idea who I am!?"
Jakob: "Do not speak of hell, only I know of hell! I am Jakob Furis, mighty vampire!"
Holly: "You're a WHAT, NOW?"
Jakob: "A MIGHTY VAMPIRE! I VILL SUCK EVERYONE IN NDP!"
*Holly looks Jakob up and down...suddenly her anger and shock starts to melt away into a smile...as if she realizes what a toolbox Jakob really is.*
Holly: "Ohhhh...my apologies, Mr. Fury...
Jakob: "FURIS! FURIS!"
Holly: "Yes, yes, of course. YOU must be filling in for Jo Ryder in NDP!! After she left a few months ago for "Cumlung" surgery, it took NDP a long time to fill the giant void of SUCKING that Jo Ryder provided here! But I'm glad they found a suitable replacement!"
Jakob: "I know not vhat you are talking about!! But I demand to know vhy I am not on the schedule!"
Holly: "Listen Jason.."
Jakob: "JAKOB!"
Holly: "Whatever...listen. I do not work in the office, I'm a wrestler. No...I'm not JUST a wrestler. I'm the freaking OG-Joshi World Champion and the ACE of Joshi wrestling!"
*Holly motions proudly to her Championship Belt*
Jakob: "What's a Joshi?"
Holly: "Don't you worry about that, I'll tell you when you get older."
*I chuckle...hey, it was funny!*
Holly: "But yanno...I think I can help you out Jizzbag...
*That was funnier...*
Jakob: "JAKOB!! MY NAME IS JAKOB FURIS!"
Holly: "Good for you!! Now listen. Even though I don't work here, I can help you. You said you wanted a match in NDP, right?"
Jakob: "I vill not rest until I turn ALL of NDP into my vampire army! I must face them all to do so! Even you!"
Holly: "I'm flattered, really...I guess Jo told you all about how good I am. But let's start small, Jakey. Let's just get you on a show, first, ok?"
Jakob: "Fine!"
Holly: "Could you give me a moment? I have to go...uh, talk to one of the NDP scheduling people."
*Jakob nods and turns to me in excitement. As he looks away, Holly quickly grabs a sheet of paper off the bulletin board and takes it with her into an office. Some scribbling is heard before she emerges from the office with a smile on her face.*
Holly: "I got you a GREAT deal here Jakob. You see...NDP is going to be having a secret, unannounced show in two weeks. It's going to take place in California. Only the newest NDP wrestlers will be there and you can...no, you WILL make your mark there!"
Jakob: "I vill show NDP what I am made of!"
Holly: "YES! So here, take this flyer and follow the directions to the event."
*Holly hands Jakob the flyer she took. Only now, a lot of it is crossed out. In fact...WAIT, this is just the Flyer for the next LAWL show! But Holly crossed out the "LAWL" in every place and wrote "NDP" instead! Jakob can't possibly fall for this..*
Jakob: "Excellent! I vill go there and take over the show!"
*Yep...he fell for it.*
Holly: "Great!! Now, don't let the name of the ARENA fool you. It's called the LAWLatorium but it's really an NDP event *Holly struggles to hide a smirk*
Jakob: "Vill you be there to vitness my HORRORS!?"
Holly: "Oh Jimmy...I wouldn't miss it for the VORLD!! Having you INVADE that show will be the most important moment in the history of wrestling!"
Jakob: "NO! It vill be the most important moment in the HISTORY OF MANKIND! FOR I VILL START TO GATHER MY VAMPIRE ARMY ON THAT SHOW!"
Holly: "Say...can vegetables become vampires too? Like potatoes turning into Spudpires?"
Jakob: "Vhat do you mean?! That is a ridiculous question!"
Holly: "Oh of course! Silly me! *Holly feigns embarrassment* WHATEVER was I thinking!? Well, I have to go now Jokebob Vampirepants...see you at the show!"
*Holly walks quickly away as we hear muffled laughter as she reaches the doorway. Jakob stares excitedly at the
Jakob: "Let us go to California! I vant to be ready for the NDP show!"
*Should I even bother telling him? NAH! This is going to be too entertaining to stop! Besides, if Jakob can't recognize the obvious editing of the flyer, I don't think anything I can say will convince him otherwise. It WOULD be nice to go to California for a week or two. After all, NDP owes me for the NYC debacle...*
Jakob: "NDP!! I VILL FIND YOUR SECRET SHOW AND START MY BLOOD CAMPAIGN!!
*Jakob brings his cape over his face and walks out the door as if he was flying.*
*See ya at the LAWL show in two weeks folks...*